I have had a moment of clarity. I have always known the following to be true, but it wasn’t without deep meditation and reading the book “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle, did I truly begin to believe it.

For most of my life, I have been controlled by my ego and my subconscious mind- the same goes for most people. I have been identifying myself with roles that I feel the need to follow. Identifying with certain roles gives me a sense of who I am. That if I do not follow through with these roles and believe them to be true, I will lose a sense of myself. It is old conditioning patterns and at times brings unhappiness to my life. For example, the role of a friend. The role that I am always up for anything. The role of a social butterfly. The extrovert. The outgoing one. The spontaneous one. Sometimes yes this is me, but sometimes it is not. At times I find myself doing certain things to fulfill the roles I have identified myself with and what other people have identified me as. That I need to be a certain way or I will lose sight of who I am in the eyes of myself and loved ones around me. But in reality, I am deceiving myself, my true nature and what my heart wants. That at times of confusion I need to ask myself is this truly what I want or am I just fulfilling a role…? By simply recognizing my thoughts as an observer and letting them pass on by instead of over-analyzing and identifying myself with my thoughts, will I truly become more present in the Now. This will allow me to listen to my heart, my inner guides and not the conditioned mind. If your mind is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another, always listen to your heart, because the mind is always wrong. For example, people around me and myself have identified me with “Saying dumb things sometimes”. Since I was little I have been conditioned to believe this to be true. So true, that I began to dislike the word “dumb”. Even though the word has become a trigger for me, I still find myself believing I am dumb. This is the ego mind speaking. The part of the mind that wants to identify itself with something. Whether it be positive or negative. When I begin to bring awareness to this thought, the thought simply becomes less true and insignificant. That I am not what my subconscious mind says I am. Most people have heard the saying, “Listen more, talk less”. This phrase could not be truer. When we take a moment to question our thoughts, instead of allowing thoughts to come and go, do we realize how much the mind has a control over our reality and how we perceive the world, ourselves and others around us. Thought forms create emotion and emotion create thought forms. When we bring awareness, we realize we are not our thoughts. The world is perceived based on how the subconscious mind, the ego, see’s it to be. Question those thoughts. “Oh, what a dreadful day.” Is the day dreadful? Or is it just what your perceiving it to be. The weather is the weather. You determine how you look at it. How it is going to affect your day. When we allow the ego to control our mind it is difficult to be truly happy. The ego is always looking for more. Wanting more then what the Present moment has to offer. I know most people have heard “Happiness comes from within”, but it truly does. Happiness comes from being okay with the Present moment and not needing it to look or be anything other then what it is right now. We can accomplish this through simply becoming Present. For myself, I found focusing on my breath, at random times of the day, helped me to become more conscious. I would simply just focus on the sensations I would experience with every inhale, exhale and rise of my belly and chest. Trying not to perceive or label anything, but just simply Be in that moment. Another option is asking yourself, “Is the ego talking right now or is this me? Whenever we experience feelings of hatred, anger, jealousy, irritation, impatience, nervousness, being “fed up”, etc. this is the ego mind talking. The ego is coming through as a belief that whatever is happening should not be happening, but if we notice these emotions for what they are and let them pass through us, we will begin to find peace in that moment.

Throughout the day, I have been focusing most of my attention on becoming aware with what thought forms I am having. It has amazed me how often my ego creeps in and tries to control my thoughts. The ego disguises itself in many ways. For example, when we feel better then others, more brave, smarter, prettier, more mature, more athletic or more ahead in life, that is the ego talking. The feeling of superiority over another human being. The ego can even manifest into feeling inferior to other people around us. Feeling shy, dumb, a victim, ugly, not good enough, etc. This is the ego making an identity for yourself. Everyone wants to be able to identify itself through something. Helps us determine who we are, but that is not who we are. We are not our thoughts. We are not our ego minds. The ego does not know how to live in the Present moment, so instead decides to live in the past or future. By either worrying about the past and experiencing feelings of regret or wishing things could be different, or in the constant need for wanting more. “Once I get this job I will be happy”. “Once I buy my dream house I’ll be happy”. “Once I have a ton of money I will be happy”. “Once I meet my dream husband/wife and have kids I will be happy”. The ego is never satisfied with what is. It is always wanting and needing more. More gratification, appreciation, admiration and attention from others. When we begin to realize the workings of the ego, we realize it is difficult to be happy when we are in the grip of the ego. It takes time of self-reflection and determination to have control over the mind. From what I am noticing, it is not easy. It will take time, but by simply stopping, taking time to reflect on thought patterns, instead of allowing thoughts to come and go, you will begin to have power over the ego. Awareness weakens the ego’s power over the mind. Little by little, the ego will slowly disappear by simply becoming aware. When this happens, true happiness emerges and the true essence of Who You Are shines through. Be careful not to identify yourself as being super aware and more aware then others, because this is the ego. The ego will always try and identify itself with something. Be it “good” or “bad”. Just simply be aware the ego is always trying to find a new identity in order to survive in the human mind.

Being Present and Awareness go hand in hand. You cannot have Awareness without Presence and you cannot have Presence without Awareness.

“Unless one is happy, one cannot bestow happiness on others. Happiness is born of Peace and can reign only when there is no disturbance. Disturbance is due to thoughts, which arise in the mind. When the mind is absent there will be perfect Peace.” – Sri Ramananda Maharshi

xo,

Mindful Harts.